He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
