I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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