he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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