The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
