Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
