So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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