between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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