I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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