My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
