This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
