none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
