Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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