so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
