Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize