I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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