home. puking in laundry basket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
