Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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