One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
