I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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