I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
