i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
MIDGETS
????
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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