I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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