How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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