my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
