You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
