Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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