Acid is not a monday night drug
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
