i think my tv is drunk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
