69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
These tits shall not be calmed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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