Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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