nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
