There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
