need another drink. this is the easiest way
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
