If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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