I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize