The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
