i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
