I need help removing her.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
