I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
