Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize