You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
