There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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