you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
