so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
