if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize