Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
