do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
