Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
