i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
