I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're like the curious george of whores
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
