i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Floor bacon is actually really good
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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