operation harelip BJ is a go
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
