The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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