Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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