Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
