Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
