So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
