I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think my moral compass just broke
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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