Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
