I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
