Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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