Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize