got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
