some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need water and some morals
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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