peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
