New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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