I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
