and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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