just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize