I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
