Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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