Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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