Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
