I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
