My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
