Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I smell stomach acid.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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