Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
