I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
